As a well-respected British journalist who has interviewed Keith Richards, Pete Townshend, and that other guy from Wham, I’ve been able to compile loads of magnificent accomplishments throughout  my career.  But there has always been one star, one musician, one great man who has eluded my intrusive questioning skills.  That man is “Tom Sings.”  It took a long time, but I’ve finally been able to track down the genius, the master, the ever-elusive recluse of a performer . . . the one and only “Tom Sings,” of “Tom Sings the ’90′s” fame.

Ever so shy and humble (and strikingly handsome if I might say so myself), Tom Sings agreed to this first ever interview on two conditions.  I was to be picked up many kilometers away from his hidden studio and blindfolded so I could not reveal where his “state-of-the-art-one-of-a-kind” studio is located.  The 2nd condition . . . well . . . I had to bring him a pie.  No particular pie, actually, just simply . . . pie.  Apparently, Tom Sings is a man who likes his pie.  Here is what else I learned about the man who is also known as “The best thing to come out of the Clinton Years besides Monica Lewinski.”

Gordon Lewis: It’s a great honor to be sitting here across from you Mr. Sings . . . may I call you that?

Tom Sings: Please . . . call me Sally.

Gordon Lewis: Brilliant.  Just Brilliant.  So, Sally . . . let me begin by asking the obvious . . . why so hidden?  Why so reclusive?

Tom Sings: I don’t like the media, Gordon.  I don’t like how you make people seem . . . I mean look what you did to poor Sarah Palin!

Gordon Lewis: But I’m an English musical journalist.  I don’t cover American Politics . . . .

Tom Sings: Okay then, well . . . look what you did to poor Elton John.  Made him look all gay and stuff.  That’s not real reporting, Gordon.  You just skew everything.  Making the Gallagher brothers from Oasis look like bickering assholes . . . it’s your stupid media bias that reports the fake news man.  Get real.

Gordon Lewis: Umm . . . welll . . .with all due respect, Sally . . .  Sir Elton John is gay.

Tom Sings: Oh please . . . next thing you’ll tell me is Billy Joel is a drunk.  Next question!

Gordon Lewis: Why do you keep this studio so hidden?  And tell me about your famed equipment.

Tom Sings: My “famed equipment” !?!?  You Brits are freaks!

Gordon: Of course I’m referring to your studio equipment, for which you use to record your magical songs.

Tom Sings: OH!  Oh, yeah.  Of course . . . well first of all, Gordon, I keep my studio secret because of all the forward-thinking technology I have down here.  And mostly because this is actually my dad’s basement and he doesn’t like people over . . . .

Gordon: Forward-thinking technology?  Please, explain.

Tom Sings: Well, right here is where it all goes down – this is my 1994 Compaq Desktop with the brand-new Windows ’95 – only the best – and it’s hooked up to a dial-up modem – it’s super fast.  That’s what I use to download all my MIDI files I used to make my inspirational tunes, man.

Gordon: Excuse me, did you say dial-up?  Certainly a master like yourself uses digital equipment by now, right?

Tom Sings: Digi – what?  . . . Anyway, I sign on to AOL, here, have one of these CD-Roms with a free 5 month trial -you’re gonna love it!  . .  . and I download on my 56k modem and . . . well sometimes when my dad gets a phone call, I have to put the download on hold . . . but you can’t pause genius man . . . I just wait for him to get off the phone and BOOM – go back to singing “Wonderwall” over a looped MIDI – simply magical stuff.  I’m thinking about purchasing a scanner to post my lyrics onto my AOL Hometown account.  This new Al Gore Interweb thing is awesome man!

Gordon: Indeed your work is pure magic!  Your songs have touched a generation like you wouldn’t believe.

Tom Sings: I don’t believe it, Gordon.  I refuse to.  I’m that humble.

Gordon: Please, how did this all begin for you?  What is the Tom Sings story?

Tom Sings: Before we go any further, I have a question for you, Gordon.

Gordon: Oh!  How the tables have turned!  Please, go on.

Tom Sings: Do you have my pie?

Bottom Line: Just having some fun, but please, check out my Tom Sings the ’90′s page at the following link: CLICK ME!! Also, the Tom Sings the ’90′s button is directly under my banner next to my contact info!  Check out my hits and come back for future songs, such as Creed’s ONE, and many more!  Stay tuned for the personal letters of Tom Sings describing his musical inspirations, and how he came to be what he is today!  No, not sad and pathetic . . . a success!!

2 Responses to “Exclusive!! First Ever Interview With “Tom Sings””

1. TeeJ says:

   February 9, 2010 at 7:34 pm

   They must have some really strong drugs out there in Minnesota!
2. admin says:

   February 9, 2010 at 10:25 pm

   hahahaha I had a feeling you’d comment in such a manner!!