Ah the sad existence that is being a fan of the New York Islanders.

It’s really tough when the only thing (and I mean ONLY thing) to get excited about regarding the upcoming season is the signing of 2 players who can fight (Zenon Konopka and Jeremy Yablonsky) in addition to fighter Trevor Gilles (who can be seen in that previous clip fighting Yablonsky).  This turn of physical events is exciting to me because I’m tired of seeing players smaller than I am constantly getting tossed around on the ice like a bunch of wimpy Canadian rag dolls lol – I’d love to see a 4th line of Konopka between Yablonsky and Gilles, and apparently so does Konopka.  This will make Islander Rangers games what they are supposed to be – tough – physical – and once again entertaining.

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At least as Islander fans we can’t say it’s ever boring around here in “Islander Country” – a place where every fan lives in constant fear of what next will break our “franchise” goalie, Rick DiPietro.

In yet another bizarre story that is unfortunately related to my favorite hockey team, the New York Islanders, oft-injured Rick DiPietro was rumored to have been severely injured in a car crash (and I read that some reports even stated he had passed away).

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And now, a positive story about the state of New Jersey.  And to be honest with you, I’m actually happy this story has nothing to do with the New York Islanders for once.  For once, a landmark – epic deal (17 years!?  I’m going to have a teenager before Kovalchuck and the Devils are done with this contract!!) does not involve Charles Wang and the Islanders (see:  Alexei Yashin; Rick DiPietro)  – for Gods-sake Yashin’s deal seems very tame now (except the fact that he is not of the same caliber of hockey player as Kovalchuck, but why would that minor detail have mattered to Mike Milbury and the Islanders of the early 2000′s??).

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Let’s say – in some magical way – I was in control of everything that could possibly happen on Long Island . . . no democracy . . . just a Tomocrazy.

If I ran Long Island I would:

1. Take over Oheka Castle as my official residence.  Naturally, I would build fences of garlic around the entire estate.  How else do you keep out vampires?
2. Install a black light in the Montauk Lighthouse (dude!  You’ve got white lint ALL over your shirt!)
3. Replace all parkways and expressways with canals.  We’ll be the Venice of the West, except we won’t sink.
4. Replace the Nassau Coliseum with an actual, over-sized barn.  When someone says, “I love watching hockey in that old barn” I want them to truly mean it.
5. Give police the right to stop any person they feel may be a Ranger fan and send them back to Manhattan.  Cops will have no other purpose on my Island, expect to send Ranger fans back to the city.
6. NO BLOWOUT HAIRCUTS ALLOWED!!
7. No Lohan’s allowed!
8. Install cages/bars/fences/cement – anything strong and virtually unbreakable – over all Cemeteries/Graveyards.  Zombie outbreak my ass!!  Not on MY Island!
9. Whenever someone leaves the Island, Harrison Ford’s voice angrily plays on a loudspeaker, “Get off my Island . . . .”

1. The New York Islanders still need to win more Stanley Cups, and will need more than only 2 years to do it.
2. I haven’t made any “Tom Juniors” yet, and will need more than 2 years to do it – lol
3. Because I never said it would end in 2012, and what I say goes.  Period. (see – I said period, and a period followed)
4. Miley Cyrus will not be of age to be President by 2012, and we all know she will one day be President of the U.S.A – so, the world MUST go on so that this great event may happen . . . .
5. Where on Earth is there a “Best used by 12/21/2012″ stamped into rocks??  The World is NOT milk.
6. Canada is immortal; therefore, we are all immortal.
7. I need to become that old guy that sits on his front porch moaning and groaning about anything/anyone that steps on his lawn.  That COULD happen before 2012 lol, but I think I need more time . . . .
8. My driver’s license expires in 2018.  If that ain’t proof enough, then I don’t know what is . . . .
9. The Cubs . . . well, you see where I’m going with this . . . .
10. Finally, the top reason why I believe the world WON’T end in 2012!  . . . Jay Leno will REFUSE to give up late night, forcing the powers that be (no, not NBC this time!) to keep Earth alive, just so we can “enjoy” some “funny” (not so funny??) Leno-esque monologue every night . . . .

Bottom Line: The world WON’T end in 2012.  God told me so.  The end.  (by God, of course, I mean Tom Cruise.)

My birthday was months ago, but yesterday sure as hell felt like it (without the cake, unfortunately!), with both the New York Rangers and New York Islanders losing, I was on cloud nine.  Why would I, an Islander fan, be happy they lost!? Because it gives us a better position in the draft – and yes, it puts us in the 5th and final spot of the lottery, but that’s huge – sure, the chances of winning the lottery and moving to slot #1 are slim at best, being that the chance is 8.1% !!  But even if they don’t win the lottery (saying it’s a long-shot would be an understatement) they are going to get a solid prospect to help them along with their “rebuild” (which I hope gets some sort of Free Agent Injection come July).

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One might think that because I’m an Islander fan I instantly must hate anything the Devils do.  Well, the Devils have done nothing but win, win, and win since as long as I’ve been a fan of hockey (since Martin Brodeur’s rookie year) and I can see how that would be annoying to nearby fans of the Flyers, Rangers, and the Islanders.  I’m a little different though.  The Devils don’t annoy me.  They never have.  In fact, I remember the 1st game I saw on TV (the old SportsChannel!) was actually a New Jersey Devils game (I totally remember their nasty green and red Christmas jerseys!).  And by the time I became a die-hard Islander fan I already knew who I was supposed to hate . . . the dirty Rangers!  The Devils were harmless, at least to me!

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How a 23 win team that is in the midst of a 5 game losing streak can still be in great playoff positioning on February 3rd is beyond my realm of belief.  So it goes in the “New NHL.”  I’ve always been against “loser points” that award a team that loses in overtime a point in the standings, as well as losing in a shoot-out (skills-competition).  I’m sorry, this isn’t kindergarten . . . you shouldn’t get anything for losing in a professional sport (except an earful from the coaching staff).  However, as an Islander fan, it is the loser point that has actually given this team some hope early on in their rebuild process (for those that think Tavares was anything close to the final piece, get real – the rebuilding is far from done).  Besides the loser point, however, and maybe more importantly, is that the teams directly around the Islanders in the Eastern Conference standings simply aren’t that good (that’s right, I’m talking about YOU New York Rangers!  YOU SUCK!).

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Clearly, I’m biased because I am an Islander fan.  But bias aside, the fact that I’m an Islander fan means that I get to see Kyle Okposo play night in and night out.  Apparently, Brian Burke hasn’t seen Kyle Okposo play, because Burke decided to leave Okposo off the 2010 Team U.S.A Olympic roster.  I mean, what other explanation is there!?  Instead, for example, Burke found it better to choose Ryan Callahan, of the New York Rangers.   Now, once again, you’re going to say, “but Tom, you’re an Islander fan, of course you’re going to be mad a Ranger got on the team over an Islander.”  It’s not that simple.  I actually like Callahan’s game, but compare his stats for the season against Okposo’s and I defy you not to scratch your head in wonder.  Burke stated that Callahan’s high number of hits was a big determining factor, but is that really important in international play?  At least what I’m trying to say is, is it more important than Okposo’s 21 assists?  More important than Okposo’s defensive play, in particular his great puck control which comes in pretty handy for both special teams?  I highly doubt it.  Perhaps Burke is still sour about the Islanders not “bowing down to all mighty Toronto” and making a terrible trade to help Burke obtain his “golden boy” John Tavares, the Islanders’ number one pick from last summer’s draft who Burke publicly obsessed over.  Nothing surprises me in matters like this.

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I’m sorry, but am I the only one to not buy into the garbage the NHL has been trying to sell me since the Flyers made the absolute wrong idea to acquire a disgruntled (and whiny) Eric Lindros?  (keep in mind, people, the Flyers could have had Peter Forsberg, among many other talents they shipped to Quebec, way before they were past their prime).  Why are the Philadelphia Flyers constantly looked upon as one of the “top teams” to contend with in the NHL!?  Okay, so they made it to the NHL Stanely Cup Finals in 1997 – so what happened!?  They lost 4-0 to Detroit.  Oh, excuse me, they also made the finals in 1987, ’85, and ’80 – only to lose to Eighties powerhouse teams named Oilers and Islanders.

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