And now, a positive story about the state of New Jersey. And to be honest with you, I’m actually happy this story has nothing to do with the New York Islanders for once. For once, a landmark – epic deal (17 years!? I’m going to have a teenager before Kovalchuck and the Devils are done with this contract!!) does not involve Charles Wang and the Islanders (see: Alexei Yashin; Rick DiPietro) – for Gods-sake Yashin’s deal seems very tame now (except the fact that he is not of the same caliber of hockey player as Kovalchuck, but why would that minor detail have mattered to Mike Milbury and the Islanders of the early 2000′s??).
I never knew you could be legally charged with adultery, but after reading this article on AOL, I now I have one more useless bit of information lodged in my head (as well as yet another reason not to cheat!).
For only the 13th time in nearly 40 years (note: that’s 13 more times than the Maple Leafs have won a championship in the same time span . . . interesting, and funny to me) a citizen of the State of New York has been charged with adultery. What does that mean to you? Well, if you’re a cheater . . . then . . . well chances are you won’t get charged with adultery lol – don’t sweat it – I’m sure you’re fine (a moral-less lil bugger, but still safe from facing charges) . . . unless, of course, you decide to meet your lover on a picnic table in the local public park at 5pm . . . well, then – my friend – you should watch out!
Let’s say – in some magical way – I was in control of everything that could possibly happen on Long Island . . . no democracy . . . just a Tomocrazy.
If I ran Long Island I would:
Take over Oheka Castle as my official residence. Naturally, I would build fences of garlic around the entire estate. How else do you keep out vampires?
Install a black light in the Montauk Lighthouse (dude! You’ve got white lint ALL over your shirt!)
Replace all parkways and expressways with canals. We’ll be the Venice of the West, except we won’t sink.
Replace the Nassau Coliseum with an actual, over-sized barn. When someone says, “I love watching hockey in that old barn” I want them to truly mean it.
Give police the right to stop any person they feel may be a Ranger fan and send them back to Manhattan. Cops will have no other purpose on my Island, expect to send Ranger fans back to the city.
NO BLOWOUT HAIRCUTS ALLOWED!!
No Lohan’s allowed!
Install cages/bars/fences/cement – anything strong and virtually unbreakable – over all Cemeteries/Graveyards. Zombie outbreak my ass!! Not on MY Island!
Whenever someone leaves the Island, Harrison Ford’s voice angrily plays on a loudspeaker, “Get off my Island . . . .”
In about 2 months, my fiance will move to New York all the way from the Midwest. Before she met me, she had no idea what a Guido was – before she met me, she would’ve been shocked when she stumbled upon MTV’s hit show, “Jersey Shore” (lol we were both still shocked) – but since she had already been with me for a while before the show aired, she was somewhat prepared for the “GTL” extravaganza that was the “Jersey Shore” (honestly, were any of us truly prepared!?).
I made a wrong turn on a through street in the city and couldn’t turn for blocks.
Not being able turn didn’t really matter since traffic was barely moving on the through street anyway . . . .
The rear window of an SUV had a dirty Rangers logo sticker on it, along with a New York Yankees logo in the colors of the Italian flag. Okay, really!? First of all, the idiot probably was born in Franklin Square anyway (Franklin Square, my hometown, as well as to many Guidos, is where I spotted this SUV, and it’s also “J-Woww’s” hometown from MTV’s “Jersey Shore” . . . oh I’m sooooo proud!), so stop with the damn colors on a NY sports team representing the country your grandparents came from . . . I don’t have a New York Islanders logo in Greek colors! That would be ridiculous!
I’ve already heard more car horns in one day than I have heard in nearly 2 years in Kansas City.
Forgedduboudit . . . .
I had a slice of pizza for lunch. Yum!
Nearly everyone on the streets during lunch hour had either a box of pizza, or just a small bag of pizza . . . yum!
I couldn’t turn right on red, but I was oh so tempted to . . . .
It took me 50 minutes t0 complete a 20 minute drive . . . awesome.
On the other hand, I got to use the diamond/HOV lane today and was waving traffic goodbye as I turned a 40 minute drive into an 18 minute one! Wooo!
Every radio station finds a way to bring up the New York Yankees. Ugh.
As many visitors to this blog already know, I do not like Guidos. I used to feel bad (only slightly) thinking that I was trashing a specific group of people (I was and still am) but these are not people. I’m not making fun of Italians when I rip apart Guidos, nor am I making fun of an ethnicity or race in general. I like real Italians with true Italian culture (and food!). Oddly enough, it’s the Guido that makes fun of being Italian. When did having Italian ancestry automatically mean you have to become a douche-bag!? But I digress . . . .
I’m writing this morning to vent about the aftermath of the new MTV show, “Jersey Shore” – which premiered last night. Once again, MTV has found a way to dumb down America with brainless TV, instead of giving us what they are supposed to give us: Music Videos (it still irks me). MTV should play music videos, like they used to, and there should be an entirely different channel titled, “TrashTV” – that has a built in rating system so parents can choose wisely about blocking the channel from their kids’ eyes.
“If you hate Guidos so much, Tom, then why would you watch a show like this!?” – I’ll answer you, anonymous voice in my head. I watch shows like this because I must admit: Guidos fascinate me! I mean, it’s the same fascination I get while watching “The Worlds Most Venomous Creatures” on Animal Planet – I hate scorpions, snakes and spiders, but I still watch!
In a way, maybe this show isn’t dumbing down America. Maybe it’s MTV’s way of providing Guido Awareness across the country (pamphlets should be made). My girlfriend is from the Midwest and she never even heard the term Guido until she met me. She too, by the way, is highly fascinated by the show. Allow me to quote her, “Oh my god! And they like to be known as Guidos!? And they flaunt it!? But they’re so trashy!?” I’m not sure if that’s word for word, but you get the idea. This new show is educating people who have never had the displeasure to be around these trashy creatures that mainly inhabit Long Island, Staten Island, the Jersey Shore and the rest of the Tri-State area, and maybe, just maybe, it will scare enough people to not allow the Guido-Gene to grow wild throughout the nation! (I smell a vaccine coming!)
Bottom Line: I repeat. I have nothing against Italians. What I am against, is young, stupid people who think fake tans look good, fake-long-press-on nails look good – who think a “blow-out” haircut looks good – who can’t drive anything other than BMW 3-series, Honda Civics, and Cadillacs – who can’t keep their shirts on (guys or girls) – who more often than not, love cocaine, Jager-bombs, and skanks – who think Neptunes is a fun place to hangout in the summer while in the Hamptons – who have had more sexual partners than Wilt Chamberlain – who give Italian-Americans a bad reputation – and speak with a dumb-accent that makes no sense since they were born and raised in America – it’s not an Italian accent, by the way, it’s a forced “I’m-too-stupid-to-speak-properly” kind of accent. You think I’m being too harsh? I don’t care. I grew up around these types of people and have been disgusted by their middle finger waving, dance-music loving, fist-pumping, wannabe mafioso ways for too long.
There are a few things I like about currently living in the Midwest. One of my major likes, however, is that the only way to see a Guido is to turn on MTV. Ahh, now this is the life!
This is something that has been bothering me for a long time. New York, a world capital, can’t even handle modern, alternative, or just plain old GOOD music on the airwaves. To say I was surprised when 92.3 Krock turned to 92.3RyanSeacrestGarbage would be a lie. That station has been faltering for years, even when they were a “rock” station. They sucked when they were a rock station because they played the SAME old 2 hits from 90′s bands such as Nirvana, Peral Jam, Soundgarden, and Alice and Chains. OK – I get it – “Rooster” and “Evenflow” are good songs, but once every hour every single day? No. What about going DEEPER into the CD’s? Or how about this wacky notion, NEW MUSIC! Yes, in my opinion, we aren’t exactly in the middle of a music revolution, and it’s tough to find quality, BUT IT’S STILL OUT THERE! It just seems like New York Radio has given up looking for it.
NHL Hockey, Sports | admin | July 20, 2010 | 
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Alexander Mogilny, Alexei Yashin, Devils, Ilya Kovalchuck, Islanders, Isles, Jersey, Kovalchuck, New Jersey, New Jersey Devils, New York, New York Islanders, Pavel Bure, Rangers, Rick DiPietro
